We all experience moments when our confidence takes a hit. Whether it’s following a difficult life event, a professional setback, or simply feeling stuck in a rut, knowing how to get confidence back is essential for your mental wellbeing and overall happiness. If you’re currently struggling with low self-esteem, you’re not alone—and more importantly, confidence is a skill you can rebuild.

Here’s everything you need to know about getting your confidence back, backed by psychology research and proven strategies that work.

Updated October 2025

Understanding Why You Lost Your Confidence

Before learning how to get confidence back, it’s helpful to understand why it disappeared in the first place. Low self-esteem often begins in childhood through messages from teachers, friends, family, and even the media, but it can also develop later in life due to:

• Major life changes or setbacks
• Prolonged periods of stress or burnout
• Comparing yourself to others (especially on social media)
• Lack of boundaries with people who bring you down
• Neglecting self-care and personal wellbeing
• Avoiding challenges and staying in your comfort zone

The good news? Research shows confidence is not a fixed trait—it’s a psychological state that can be cultivated through repeated engagement with challenging experiences.

1. Assess Yourself and Your Lifestyle Honestly

The first step in how to get confidence back is taking an honest look at your current situation. Sometimes low confidence stems from neglecting certain aspects of your life or wellbeing.

Ask yourself:

• Have I been taking care of my physical health?
• Am I maintaining good personal hygiene and appearance?
• Have I been avoiding necessary appointments (dental check-ups, health screenings)?
• Is stress overwhelming my daily life?

Small neglected areas—like not visiting the dentist for years or letting your appearance slip—can quietly erode your self-esteem. Addressing these practical issues can provide an immediate confidence boost.

Action step: Make a list of areas you’ve been neglecting and schedule appointments or set aside time to address them this week.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Whether checking out “perfect” bodies on Instagram or comparing salaries with friends, we all compare ourselves to others at one time or another. This habit is one of the fastest ways to destroy confidence.

Remember that social media shows carefully curated highlight reels, not reality. Everyone struggles; you’re just not seeing those moments.

Action step: Consider a social media detox or unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate. Focus on your own journey instead of others’ apparent success.

3. Create Healthy Boundaries

It’s impossible to be confident when you feel like you have no control over how others treat you. Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for rebuilding self-esteem.

This means:

• Saying no to things you genuinely don’t want to do
• Speaking up when someone crosses the line
• Making your expectations clear in relationships
• Spending less time with people who consistently bring you down

Creating boundaries for yourself aids in feeling more in control and thus improves psychological safety, which is really part of feeling confident.

Action step: Identify one boundary you need to set this week and practise saying no or speaking up about your needs.

4. Prioritise Yourself and Self-Care

How can you feel your best if you don’t prioritise yourself and your health? Many people lead busy lifestyles—whether working long hours or caring for family—and finding time for yourself might seem impossible. However, making time for activities that bring you joy is crucial for rebuilding confidence.

When you prioritise self-care, you do something great for your body, mind, and spirit. Eating healthily, exercising, meditating, and getting plenty of sleep are all keys to helping you feel your best.

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Action step: Schedule 15-30 minutes of “you time” daily, even if it’s just for a relaxing bath, reading, or a short walk.

5. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

One of the most effective ways to get confidence back is through what psychologists call “mastery experiences.” Confidence does not develop by staying comfortable. It emerges when you place yourself in situations that are unfamiliar and learn that you can remain present.

These experiences help rewire the nervous system, teaching your body and brain that discomfort is not the same as danger. Each time you face uncertainty and survive it, you build evidence that you’re more capable than you thought.

Try new activities that challenge you:

• Learn a new language or skill
• Take up a hobby you’ve always been curious about (canoeing, pottery, coding)
• Attend a social event where you don’t know many people
• Sign up for a class or workshop

In the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations might make you feel safe. In the longer term, this backfires because it reinforces your underlying doubts and fears.

Action step: Choose one small thing that makes you slightly uncomfortable and commit to trying it this month.

6. Challenge Your Negative Self-Talk

When you talk down to yourself, you hold yourself back and decrease your confidence. Your subconscious buys into the idea that certain things are “too hard” or “you can’t handle it”.

Most of us have a cruel inner critic constantly pointing out our flaws and mistakes. Learning how to get confidence back requires silencing this voice and replacing it with supportive self-talk.

When you notice self-critical inner thoughts, try to stand up for yourself by saying something like, “I did the best I could, and I’m proud of myself for the effort I put in”.

Practical examples:

• Replace “I’m rubbish at this” with “I’m still learning, and that’s okay”
• Replace “I hate public speaking” with “Public speaking is challenging for me, but everyone has strengths and weaknesses”
• Replace “I always mess things up” with “I’ve succeeded at many things, and setbacks are part of growth”

Action step: Write down your most common negative thought and create a compassionate counter-statement. Practise saying it aloud daily.

7. Recognise Your Strengths and Positive Qualities

We tend to dwell on our weaknesses whilst ignoring our strengths. To get your confidence back, you must actively recognise what you’re good at.

Leveraging current strengths in one area can help build confidence in another. If you’re great at building relationships but struggle with budgeting, use your people skills to ask someone to teach you.

Try this exercise:

• List five things you’re genuinely good at
• Write down three times you felt proud of yourself
• Ask trusted friends what they think your strengths are (you might be surprised!)
• Focus on these positives each morning

We’re all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we’re good at, which can help boost your mood.

Action step: Every evening this week, write down one thing you did well that day, no matter how small.

8. Take Care of Your Physical Appearance

Whilst confidence should come from within, how we present ourselves externally does affect how we feel internally. Sometimes trying a new style can provide the confidence boost you need.

Consider:

• Getting a fresh haircut or trying a new hairstyle
• Updating your wardrobe with pieces that make you feel good
• Establishing a skincare routine
• Wearing clothes that fit well and reflect your personality

A slight change in your appearance can offer all the difference in how you feel inside and out. This isn’t about conforming to beauty standards—it’s about feeling comfortable and authentic in your own skin.

Action step: Choose one aspect of your appearance to refresh this month, whether it’s a new haircut, some new clothes, or simply wearing that outfit you’ve been saving.

9. Act Confident Even When You Don’t Feel It

Sometimes, the best way to change your feelings is to change your behaviour first. Ask yourself what you’d be doing if you felt confident. Would you enrol in classes? Move to a new city? Talk to more people? Do those things now.

This principle—”fake it till you make it”—is backed by research. Confident body language and behaviour can actually create feelings of confidence over time.

Try these confidence-boosting behaviours:

• Stand up straight with shoulders back
• Make eye contact during conversations
• Speak clearly and don’t apologise unnecessarily
• Walk into rooms as if you belong there

Action step: Practise power poses for two minutes before important events or challenging situations.

10. Build Social Connections

Studies show that personal connections help reduce the risks for depression and anxiety often associated with feelings of low self-esteem. Isolation makes confidence issues worse, whilst meaningful connections help rebuild it.

Ways to increase social interaction:

• Volunteer for causes you care about
• Join clubs or groups related to your interests
• Reach out to old friends you’ve lost touch with
• Attend local community events
• Create or join a support group

Action step: Reach out to one person this week for a coffee or phone call.

11. Connect Your Actions to Purpose

Confidence becomes stronger when it is connected to purpose. When you know that your actions contribute to something meaningful, your sense of self-worth becomes less dependent on approval and more grounded in what you offer.

When you focus on helping others or contributing to causes you care about, you shift from self-focused worry to meaningful action. This type of contribution creates confidence rooted in usefulness, connection, and consistency over time.

Action step: Identify one way you can contribute to others this month—mentoring, volunteering, or simply being there for a friend.

12. Be Kind to Yourself on Bad Days

Even the most self-assured and successful people lapse into self-critical thoughts and doubt themselves, so avoid beating yourself up for having bad days. Building confidence isn’t a linear process—there will be setbacks.

Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical. Think what you’d say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves.

Action step: When you notice self-criticism, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Then say that to yourself.

When to Seek Professional Support

Whilst these strategies can help most people get their confidence back, sometimes low self-esteem is connected to deeper issues like depression, anxiety, or past trauma. Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor if:

• Your low confidence persists despite trying these strategies
• You’re experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety
• Past trauma is affecting your self-worth
• Your confidence issues are significantly impacting your daily life

Working with a therapist or counsellor can provide professional guidance for rebuilding confidence, especially when self-help strategies aren’t enough.

The Science Behind Getting Your Confidence Back

Understanding the psychology of confidence can help you approach rebuilding it more effectively. Psychological research shows confidence is a skill that can be developed over time through internal self-evaluation, exposure to challenge, and connection to purpose.

Mastery experiences—moments when you take action despite uncertainty—are considered one of the most effective ways to build self-efficacy, which refers to your belief in your ability to manage what life brings.

Essentially, confidence grows not by eliminating fear or self-doubt, but by learning you can act despite them. Each small brave action builds evidence that you’re more capable than you thought.

How Long Does It Take to Get Your Confidence Back?

There’s no fixed timeline for rebuilding confidence—it varies depending on your starting point, what caused the loss of confidence, and how consistently you apply these strategies. Some people notice improvements within weeks, whilst others may need several months.

The key is consistency and patience. Take it one day at a time, setting small, manageable goals that seem non-intimidating. As you achieve one after the next, set larger ones and take a step back to realise you’re becoming more and more confident one step after the other.

Your Action Plan: How to Get Confidence Back Starting Today

Ready to begin your confidence-building journey? Here’s your starter plan:

This week:

1. Identify one area of self-care you’ve been neglecting and address it
2. Write down three of your strengths or positive qualities
3. Challenge one negative thought with a compassionate counter-statement
4. Do one small thing outside your comfort zone

This month: 5. Set one healthy boundary with someone 6. Try one new activity or hobby 7. Reach out to three people for social connection 8. Refresh one aspect of your physical appearance 9. Find one way to contribute to others or a cause you care about

Ongoing: 10. Practise positive self-talk daily 11. Celebrate small wins and progress 12. Be patient and kind to yourself on difficult days

Final Thoughts on Getting Your Confidence Back

Learning how to get confidence back is one of the most valuable investments you can make in yourself. Whilst it requires effort and patience, the strategies outlined here are proven to work when applied consistently.

Remember that confidence isn’t about being perfect or never doubting yourself—it’s about trusting that you can handle life’s challenges and recognising your inherent worth. You deserve to feel your best at all times, and with these evidence-based strategies, you can rebuild the confidence that allows you to thrive.

Start small, be consistent, and most importantly, be kind to yourself throughout the journey. Your confidence will return—one brave step at a time.